Observations From the Poop Deck

I just returned from a cruise to the Eastern Caribbean for 7 days.  Here are my observations from the “Poop Deck”.

• It seems that 70% of the passengers on the ship were overweight with some bordering on the semi-obese and the obese.
• How some of these “proportionately challenged” passengers were able to navigate around the ship and in the “midget-sized” (a politically incorrect description) bathroom was beyond my comprehension.  It looked like the shower stall was modeled after Olive Oyl, so getting in and out of it by these bloated passengers was an almost impossible task.
• Some of these over sized passengers were even lounging around in bathing suits on the sun deck.  It reminded me of someone trying to put 10 lbs. of potatoes in a 5 lb. bag.  It was a sight to behold.
• Of course, the various restaurants around the ship were frequented by these huge “patrons of the culinary arts” with platefuls of mostly food with a high carbohydrate content.
• In addition to the plus sized group were the passengers with mobility problems.  On some occasions it looked like a form of that old carnival attraction called “Bumper Cars” only this time it was between the passengers using walkers and wheelchairs.  It was quite a sight to see.
• And then there were the passengers who thought they could break the ships “Casino Games”, not realizing that the slot machines were rigged to limit any enormous payouts, and that the “21” table was there to relieve the naive passengers of any money left over after playing the slots.  The odds of winning on cruise ships is like winning the lottery.
• A major change has taken place on most all the cruise ships in regards to the “dress up nights”.  For many years, it was the practice for both the men and women to dress up in tuxedos and evening dresses on a couple of nights in order to add class to the atmosphere aboard the ship. NO MORE.  Now they have “smart casual” and “smart chic” nights.  To some it meant wearing pressed jeans with no holes in the pant legs.

• I also noticed that the food portions were less than what was offered years ago.  On the night of the standard “lobster dinner” you had to order a double portion in order to get more than one bite of the lobster tail that was presented. In a way, less food on a cruise ship might be considered a healthy way to eat with less calories.
• The entertainment provided was excellent as usual.  The energetic singers and dancers (mostly guys and gals in their early twenties) were very talented and they put on a great show which most of the passengers enjoyed immensely.  The production numbers were professionally done and rivaled the Broadway shows which cost a fortune to attend.
• Finally, the ports-of-call were geared to the females being able to drag their less than enthusiastic husbands and traveling partners to visit the various jewelry and watch stores that proliferated in these port towns.  Most stores had chairs available for the “bored” men to sit down and relax as the women-folk went about charging up a storm on the credit card.
• As usual, the cruise experience was both a relaxing and hectic adventure for all who were aboard, and it was a good feeling to be going back home to enjoy the peace and tranquility of the old abode.
  
  

Conservative commentary by Chuck Lehmann