MORT’s meanderings

My 15-minutes of Fume.

© 2012 MORT KUFF
(And, don’t anyone dare to quote this without attribution – I swear, I’ll sue!)

I’ve been axxed by many members of my reading audience (at least, two), the real story behind my permanent state of ‘upset-ed-ness’. Well, I’ll tellya, it’s like this –

There is an unwritten agreement between my wife and me regarding the aftermath of whichever of us expires first. We’ve agreed that whomever goes first, the other has promised to get a pet (most probably a bird of some sort) to kinda, sorta replace the expired spouse. It follows that there’ll be a need for something with which to line the bottom of the cage. Hence, we’ve agreed to continue our subscription to the Palm Beach County edition of the South Florida SunSentinel. That is of course, providing that newsrag is still publishing at the time of the demise of the first 50% of this happy union.

And so every morning the one who arises first, trudges out to retrieve the plastic- encased copy of the aforementioned newsrag. And, during my first cup of cawfee (acquired NYC accent), I peruse the paper, finally arriving at the Opinion Page (akshully, two opposing pages at the end of the main section.

These are the two pages of every edition of the SunSentinel that put the ‘Duh’ in, ‘Floriduh’. The content of these pages is guaranteed to kick-start my heart and is usually good for roughly, a 20-point uptick in my blood pressure. As I begin to read the Letters-to-the-Editor (always on the Left page – mm-mm-mm.), view the political cartoon and check out the columnists or selected contributors on the opposite page, my internal clock begins the count-down of my daily, “15-minutes of Fume”.

The ‘Letters’ alone, could do the job. One presumes that Opinions Editor, Rosemary Goudreau exercises final control over which letters appear on this page. Surely, there must be some intelligent letters scattered about the Editing Room floor. Surely, these daily selections of what are for the most part unintelligent letters, cannot be a fair representation of the bulk of letters received. Controversy, opposing viewpoints – is this the best the S/Sntl can do? Yeah, yeah, we know – you can only select from whatever comes in. Yeah, yeah.

Then, there are the political cartoons. It is always good to view what other Tribune- approved artists are producing. One (at least this one) gets reeeally, reeeally tired of Chan Lowe’s trite & tiresome scrawling & scratching. Usually, the term ‘hack’ is reserved for political writers. However, it is my view that political cartoons are in fact, opinions, except they are in visual format. And so, the term ‘hack’ is perfectly appropriate when applied to Mr. Chan Lowe-Blowe. By any standard, this guy’s skills are sub-standard.

Oh, and speaking of hacks, we’d be remiss not to mention the very forgettable, glittering star of the SunSentinel’s bevy of biased bully-boys, Anthony Man. If only the Obama administration possessed his transparency. Man’s antipathy toward Allen West was blatantly evident from the very first word he wrote about this American hero. What is it that Chan Lowe and Anthony Man smoke when they huddle in the Men’s Room at the SunniSentinel? If ever there were two pea-brains in a pod, it’s this pair. Well, whadya want for $50 bucks a week? That’s $25 for rolly-polly Man and $25 for Lowe-Blowe.

On the Right Side of the 2-page Opinion section, we enjoy the occasional appearance of Cal Thomas, Jonah Goldberg and one or two others who have their heads screwed- on properly. They are the token ‘Conservatives’ and are most welcome when they are permitted to join the Silly-Sentinel’s Sounding Board.

Regarding the rest of ‘Team Left’ – the all-wrong-all-the-time Gary Stein; the relentlessly off-the-wall humorist Stephen el Goldstein; and the hopelessly fact-deprived, pretend- Professor Robert Watson – they can all take a hike and wouldn’t be missed by me. And with regard to the lesser lights who alternately populate that Right Page of Leftist loons, ‘Who cares?’.

And so Kiddies, now you know the rest of the story of my ’15-minutes of Fume’.

Aren’tcha glad you stayed with me?

Conservative commentary by MORT KUFF