MORT’s Meanderings

Sorry, Obama. We apologize.

I’m so sorry, Mr. President. The problems you ‘inherited’ are far worse than you thought. George W. Bush played you dirty by not telling you just how bad things really were. Dick Cheney and Karl Rove could have told you but, they didn’t.

Mother Nature too, conspired to block your genius – she invented Tsunamis, tornadoes and other such bothersomes to foil your beautifully-crafted plans for the destruction of the United States of America. And, there’s more.

Those pesky Republicans won’t accede to your ‘nuanced’, hair-brained schemes that are based upon your vast experience gleaned from your glory days as a Chicago street- thug renowned for your organizational prowess. And worse, the ‘something-for-nothing’ crowd turns out to be insatiable – ‘something-for-nothing’ is never enough for them.

Then, to your disappointment, the Islamo-Lunatics in the Middle East have taken your heart-felt apologies and attempts to suck-up for exactly what they are – a glaring expose’ of your character weakness and intensely yellow cowardice, in the extreme. This is not at all what you expected, We understand your disappointment, Sir.

Adding to your bundle of disappointments certainly must be, the unexpected results of your most benevolent policy of giving away all we have plus, all we could borrow. Who knew that would bring about such disastrous destruction in our economy? Who could have guessed that?

Can there be any doubt that the entire world has conspired against you to thwart your efforts to destroy this country? Can there be any doubt that all your enemies have sipped the TeaParty Kool-Aid being offered by Rush Limbaugh? Don’t these fools know how hard you try, in between rounds of golf and exotic vacations?

And Sir, as if all the foregoing weren’t enough to try your soul, you suffer from the unfair competition for attention by your lard-assed wife who won’t permit you to smoke, eat junk-food or even indulge in homo-sexual dalliances much less, your life-long practice of self-gratification. Worse yet, she commandeers your own personal Air Force One to travel all across the country, to spew her nonsensical utterances to vulnerable school children. Then, she makes more trouble for you by her exorbitant extravagances (I know, that’s redundant) lavished upon her own person –- a legion of highly-paid fawning gay & lesbian attendants, closets full of designer clothes and drawers-full of expensive bling. Then, there are her trips to exotic destinations required to replenish her energies after the exhaustion of doing the Lord’s work. Damn Sir, why can’t she just stay at home and tend the White House garden?

And now . . .and now – to administer the final blow – here comes this racist, soldier- guy, elected to Congress from the notoriously weird state of Florida. This guy is even blacker than the President of the United States, our first black president. He spent 22 years in the United States Army and attained the rank of Lieutenant Colonel. He actually commanded soldiers and led them into battle with our enemies and for that, received numerous decorations for valor, including the Bronze Star.

This is just unbearable. This guy has become the media darling and why? He has a direct manner and tells the truth; no bull-shit. He speaks clearly and distinctly. He uses facts and figures instead of high-sounding rhetoric and benign platitudes. How unfair is that? And did we mention that he’s even blacker than the first black president? Plus all this, he hides behind his integrity and honor to make the case against your policies. He doesn’t care how well-intentioned you are – he wants to return this nation to its path of decency in accordance with the Constitution of the United States. And, his vehicle of choice – the free-enterprise system. How unfair is that, I ask you?

With all this negativity going on around you Sir, how can you as a poor, fraudulent professor of Constitutional law, be expected to complete your assigned task of turning this nation into rubble?

We’re sorry, Sir. We apologize.

Now, go to your room.

Conservative Commentary by MORT KUFF